Poison Portrait

Yes, another franken-gif. Shh. Anyway, PLOTBUNNY.

For serious. Spoilers for Smallville, maybe for Captain America: The First Avenger, and maybe Avengers. We’ll see what happens as I ramble. You’ve been warned. Kind of.

In this funny little headcanon of mine, Lois Lane’s seemingly canon up to Season 8 Smallville’s finale. Doomsday happens, sadly and both Doomsday and Clark/The Red-Blue-Blur are MIA. But Jimmy lived. Because I said so. I LIKED Jimmy/Chloe, thank you. I have FEELINGS. Davis does not. Have feelings or survive. Lois gets sent to the future with the Legion ring and then Zod and the Kandorians show up.

The future Lois sees is not so good or fun, as you’ve got Kandorians, a red sun, oh, and Loki’s armies running amok, fighting everyone including the Kandorians, and Clark is still MIA. The world is in chaos. CHAOS. And not the fun kind with raining gummi bears and marshmallow peeps. Because it could happen. Suffice to say, with the help of FutureChloe, Lois uses the Legion ring and goes back to the past, her memories intact. Rather than beat around the bush, Lois confronts Chloe and Jimmy in Watchtower with what she knows, and the three of them set out to try and change the future. Ollie is all but useless going downhill in his emoness, and the rest of the league is MIA. So they wrangle up Lana who, yes, is still super powered, and they fight crime. Well, Lana does. Chloe’s Watchtower, Jimmy and Emil Hamilton help, and Lois is doing her best impression of the General, while working the Daily Planet.

So, most of season 9 happens in an oddly similar fashion as the show, only modified. (I’m being vague, for REASONS) With different people involved, different tactics are used as a whole. Both SHIELD and Checkmate are vying for the stuff on the Kandorians, Jor-El survives and joins forces with the Watchtower crew. With the intel from Jor-El and Lois’s future jump, RAO’s plans gets shot down due to “Environmental Reasons” (when in reality it’s SHIELD shutting them down cause Fury will do that to you when you try to mess with Earth’s stuff), and Zod ends up dead from Bernard Chisholm’s sort of understandable crazy before Lana saves the day. Jor-El takes charge of the Kandorians and with his influence they merge themselves into society, no doubt watched by Watchtower, SHIELD, and Checkmate. Absolute Justice occurs with alterations I have yet to work out, because other things in my head… John Corben’s Metallo resurfaces, but instead of going underground completely, ends up joining the makeshift NotSoLeague (they’re still working on a name. Jimmy suggested Chloe’s Angels, but was shot down by Oliver, who had finally returned to the fold, after Lois suggested he add wings to his costume to match the theme)  But yes. That happens. Because no Kandorians were sent offworld, no Darkseid antics. For REASONS. Again.

Meanwhile, all the Marvel Movieverse happens. No real changes there. I play favorites. Ok, there’s a slight change until Avengers. Little. You won’t even notice it. It’s about Peggy Carter. What’s that? Oh, see after the war, she eventually gets married. Has a couple of kids. Oh, their names? Ella and Moira. Funny that. Oh, and she’s still alive. And awesome. And she would tell her granddaughters fabulous stories about Captain America. Lucy never paid attention, Chloe sometimes did, but Lois ALWAYS did. So much so, that it spurred the following conversation in the “present” between Lois, Chloe, and Jimmy:

****

“Lois had a Captain America doll,” Chloe told Jimmy with a teasing smile at her cousin.

Lois scowled at Chloe but remained utterly silent. “…”

Confused by the usually outspoken in-law, Jimmy had to take notice of it. After all, it was such a rare feat. “Not even going to try and call it an action figure, Lois?”

Ignoring the glare that would burn a normal person alive (figuratively of course), Chloe let out a laugh. “She can’t. It was a hand made stuffed doll she made herself.” Her husband stared at Lois in disbelief before joining in Chloe’s laughter at the idea that Lois had a Captain America plushie.

“Hey! I worked hard on that doll!” Lois was feeling a little bit singled out and getting defensive. She really had worked hard on the doll. It had been her prized possession for years. Well, that and the vintage Captain America trading cards their grandmother Peggy had given her. She still had those, in mint condition no less! They would pry them from her cold dead hands. Though she might trade them for a Pulitzer. Maybe.

“We could tell, Lo.” Chloe picked up her coffee mug and smiled from behind the rim. “I mean, one arm was longer than the other. It takes care and effort to get that to happen.”

“I’m disowning both of you.” Clearly unhappy by the turn of events, Lois set out to make them both suffer by attacking the donut box next to the coffee pot. That last bear claw was hers, or someone was going to get decked.

“So, Lois, whatever happened to that doll anyway?” Jimmy asked, genuinely curious after finally calming down.

The reporter had been in the process of devouring the targeted bear claw, but took a moment to reply. “I almost lost it during one of our moves, so I sent it to our grandmother for safe keeping.”

“That was after she nearly killed me and Lucy for misplacing him one summer.” Chloe pointed out. She really was enjoying this topic far too much and knew she’d probably pay for it later, but it would be worth it. If only Lana were here to join the fun.

“HEY.” Lois straightened up and huffed at her petite cousin. “He was needed to fight Hydra.”

“You mean Cobra.” Chloe said. “If I remember right,” and she did, “that was during your GI Joe phase.”

Lois rolled her eyes. “No, Hydra. I didn’t spend all Christmas vacation repainting them for no reason.”

***

And so, Lois Lane was and always will be, a Captain America fangirl. Though she’s always been secretly fond of guys like the one grandma Peggy talked about. What was his name? Darn, she just can’t seem to remember these days. But in her defense she’s had a lot on her mind lately.

So we get to the Avengers movie, it all happens pretty much the same, but the Smallville/Metropolis heroes lend a hand but don’t stick around for the curtain calls. Except maybe Lana (No, she has no code name in my headcanon because do you KNOW how hard it is to come up with a good one that’s not taken?) and Martian Manhunter. (Yes, he got repowered. Cause he’s awesome.)  Kara would be around, but she’s not. She’s somewhere. Off world. For plot convenience. She can show up later and trade punches with Thor or the Hulk later.

Lois then decides she HAS to get a one on one interview with Captain America, maybe internally squee at his existence when she has the time, and make it her new goal in life to collect all the Avengers in her article portfolio. Or in Pokeballs because why not. Or that’s just my thoughts. But she’ll get what she wants. Because hello. She’s a freaking Carter. They make this stuff happen. With awesome. Because what other family could freaking save the world without anyone realizing it? NO ONE. Because Carter women and company are fabulously EPIC. And if she ends up meeting a nice guy named Steve Rogers and ends up falling for him? Well, that’s okay too. Because Lois Lane is a sucker for these nice guys with secret, or not so secret, hero sides to them.

And that’s my bunny of the moment. Sorry for the typos and the ramble voice. This is how my head works. Only with visuals. And strange music. I now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging and internet stuffs. Ciao.